A year in the making.

I’ve thought long and hard for the past few months about exactly how to write this. So much has happened in the last year that beginning again seemed so daunting- but I definitely feel like I need to start over. Here goes nothing…

About a year ago, I lost my job. Full disclosure: when I say I lost my job, I was technically fired. Why do I say technically? Well, I knew that it was happening for months and I was glad because my life had become miserable for the last six months I was working there. I was worried about money and needed unemployment, but I was very, very happy I was no longer working there. I’m not going to say more about it or my former employer,  because it really doesn’t matter anymore.

I got fired at 12 p.m. on a Friday. At 2 p.m. that same day, I had a final interview for a job that I really wanted. I literally came home, cuddled my cat for about 20 minutes, pulled myself together, changed, and left. (Even though it was something that I expected, getting fired is still not a fun experience.) I decided to be honest with my new potential workplace and tell them what had just happened. I would not have felt right going into a potential working relationship with my employer not knowing such big part of my life. I pride myself in being honest- and really, when I considered what type of person I wanted to be, it was an easy decision. My honesty paid off- I got the job and started 5 weeks later.

Anyone that has known me over the last 10-15 years probably knows that I’ve always wanted to ‘make a difference’ when it comes to my work. I decided that I wanted to work in the nonprofit sector when I was in high school, and I’m fortunate that now, at 27, I’ve finally reached that goal. I work for an organization that teaches about early cancer detection, and we work specifically with teens and young adults. My job requires me to work with a lot of high school and college students, teachers, administrators, and corporate partners. I have been working there for 9 months and I’ve already spoken to around 10,000 people through presentations, health fairs, and other outreach.

I love my job. I’ve met some amazing people through my job, and I’m fortunate that many of them have also become friends. Talking about cancer all the time can be mentally and emotionally draining, but it’s amazing to feel like I am really, truly saving lives on a daily basis.

Having bipolar disorder with a new job certainly…complicates things. When you first start a job, you are trying to put your absolute best foot forward. When you’re going through the highs and lows that bipolar brings, it’s exhausting to try and stay ‘level’. That on top of everything that comes with learning a new job has made me pretty much an antisocial zombie for the past 9 months.

Then comes the question of ‘coming out’ as bipolar. How exactly do you tell your colleagues and associates (in this case, cancer survivors that volunteer to present with me) that this is something that you deal with?

In a perfect world, I would just tell everyone upfront and it would just be out in the open and everyone would go on with their lives. But, there is still a stigma attached to mental illness. As much as I do NOT want my bipolar disorder to define me, I understand that it’s normal for someone to not know how to deal with this sort of information- even the awesome people I work around all the time. I would never want to put someone that I admire in a difficult position like that. Of course, just posting that ‘risks’ some or all of them reading this- it’s a chance I am willing to take.

So, here I am now. Loving my job and trying to figure out the rest as I go. I used to worry about when things were going to go back to ‘normal’…but if there’s anything I’ve realized in the last year, it’s that normalcy doesn’t exist, so I just gotta hold on for dear life.

 

P.S. In the last year I also got a cat. His name is Captain Jack Harkness (after a Dr. Who character). Here is a cute picture of him.